Disbalanced Thoughts
by asmasc
Summary: This is Part two of "Just a Little Kindness". What happens the morning after. This is complete by itself, but I do recomend reading "Just a Little Kindness" first though. Enjoy


Disclaimer: I own nothing but of the slight idea in plot-ish things. I am making no money off of this, if I did why would I be here? I am not too happy how this came out...It seems more...oocish...but then again that's more pointed towards Lui...as Camus is described how I truly believe him to be...And other personal things leading up to the added contributation of the ideal around Camus it did take a different turn than I was going for, and again not too happy about it...But I worked long and hard on it...After this is posted, I will probably be starting to type up part three...As it was being written when I didn't have time to type up part two...anyways...

Oh OH there are like maybe two spellings I couldn't get right...you might see them, you may not...just depends on how into(not like what epi, but how obsessed and knowing you are) the Anime you are in...I just couldn't remember and too lazy to go look in an Epi of the Anime (Although will re-watch both seasons during the summer)

I realized something after watching part of Epi 4 and all of Epi 7...I watched how Lui was, when he was around Camus with other people around...and then I look at this part, and I see that I have created a much softer Lui, of course it is just the two of them...but I did notice how different Lui is from the Anime-this fic...forgive this if it seems oocish..But Camus is not very Oocish...Just Lui...has a hard time hearing Lui speaking (Like figurativly...imagining him speaking while working) while working on this fic...Camus is no problem...Naoji will be for part three...but that's part three and not part two

Author's Apology: I am sorry I write a big amount before the actual fic starts... just my nature...

Enjoy

The little peak of the early morning sun entered Camus's bedroom window. Camus awoke to it, and to the very light knocking of his door. When he fully awoke though, he was still facing someone's chest. Ludwig's chest to be exact. He vaguely remembered what had taken place the night before.

He couldn't move very freely while in the hold of his cousin's. Ludwig's arms and hands had in the middle of the night, latched onto Camus's neck and hair, while the other was around his waist. The knocking consisted softly. It was Naoji. Naoji was the only one who knocked the lightest of them all.

"Camus are you awake?" came the voice that was ever soft this early in the morning. Camus didn't really respond back. He could have, Ludwig wouldn't have woke from his slumber as he slept very heavily. Naoji stopped his soft knocking to wait. For all he could know, Camus could still be waking, slumbering, or even mid dress. He would never think to see Camus intertwined in Ludwig's arms, with Ludwig's face showing the warmest face no one but Camus has seen.

Squirming out of the grasp of Ludwig's hold was a tough one to escape from. The clasp on Camus's neck and hair was tough. Prying Ludwig's fingers the softness of his hair, there were many gasps and small cries of pain from them being pulled. It was tough but Camus was able to get out in a timely fashion. Opening the door too see the Naoji had his back to the door, ready to leave.

"Naoji" said Camus. With that, Naoji turned around, glad to see that Camus was in a better mood than the night before. But Camus was hiding the fact that he still had not felt any better than last night. "It's good to see you're alright. I hope you didn't stay all night in the green house." Stated Naoji with the sympathetic tone. Camus stepped out of his room fully, shutting his door. He didn't want Naoji to see the sleeping Ludwig on his bed. "I'm fine now, I promise Naoji. You can report that back to others who saw me run out of the party that I fine too" Camus threw a realistic fake smile at Naoji

Camus gasped, and had a small hint of distress. "What's wrong Camus?" asked Naoji. Camus shook his head, "It...Its nothing really, just that Lui will fall out of his bed" stated Camus. Naoji really didn't think much of it, and Camus was interested in why he could feel that. Falling out of bed was common, and Ludwig fell out more than once a week.

Naoji and Camus didn't really speak after that, they just stood there. Camus became aware how much his clothing was displaced on his body. _'Why have I lied to Naoji? It's just as Lui told me. I'm denying everything again' _ thought Camus, who had been staring at the ground. Maybe he should go back inside, try to stop Ludwig from falling off the bed. He didn't particularly like the silence that was held between him and Naoji.

There was a thump. Camus flinched at the sound. Naoji seemed impassive about it. Looking down, Camus sputtered out, "I need to get changed out of these...I had slept in them. Please excuse me Naoji, I will see you in class" Camus bowed his head some, and opened his door smoothly and was in, not before seeing the questionable look that Naoji gave Camus. Shutting his door, his back against it, he slid to the floor. In front of Camus he could see the sleeping form of Ludwig, on the floor, very unaware he had fallen off the bed. His hair had be splayed with the swift movement.

It was only barely after 5 am, and the sun was still making its way into the sky. Camus was awake but he wanted to be back in Ludwig's arms, asleep. He wanted to sleep the day away with his cousin. But Ludwig had an excellent internal clock, and always woke at the same time everyday at 6 am. Camus did not want his perfect Ludwig to wake up and leave him. Everyone leaves him when they wake up, everyone but the flowers. Staring at the peaceful sleeping Ludwig emotions overcame Camus. Was it longing? Was it anger? What was it? Camus didn't know or understand the reason for these emotions. He clutched his head again.

_'Why can't I voice out the emotions I am feeling? It...It only makes me feel everyone else's emotions that mix with mine' _thought Camus, shaking his head back and forth, somewhat violently. "No, No, No" he whispered to no one but himself.

Tic. Tic. Tic. The small sound from his pocket watch that was somehow on the table and open. It counted the seconds, minutes away. It was now 5:30 am, only a half an hour until **His** Ludwig wakes up.

Getting up from his position at the door, Camus went to his bed and grabbed his pillow. Dropping it next to Ludwig's sleeping body. Dropping his body to the ground, he placed the bright snow white pillow at Ludwig's chest, then laid down on the floor, pressing his face into it. It wasn't there for comfort, no it was there, to muffle the sound of his crying. Not only was his emotions there but other's too and they were mixing with his. His head hurt from it too.

Even while sleeping, Ludwig felt everything, from the removal of Camus, to falling off the bed, then to Camus wanting to be held again. Ludwig wouldn't remember it in the morning, but his body did respond. Unknowing to himself, Ludwig's arms moved to clutch and hold Camus's body to his own.

Camus, crying only very slightly or just really quietly liked being held again, but he still felt the huge dread of having to be left alone again. That is a fear of Camus's, being left alone.

He wasn't sure why he wanted Ludwig's comfort, when half of what Ludwig told Camus was denied. It's not like Camus hated Orphe's, Ed's, Elmunt, or even Naoji's comforting, but it was only friendly. With Ludwig it was more intimate because they were cousins, and Ludwig knew more about Camus than Camus knew himself.

A hand grabbed at the soft locks of Camus's head, not that he minded much. It made him feel closer to his cousin. Ludwig loved Camus's hair. But he would never tell Camus that. No, no one knew about the secret. Ludwig had a weird obsession with soft hair. And Camus's won. It was as soft as a rose petal, and always had the soft scent of difference flowers, mostly roses though.

15 minutes till 6am, and Camus had slipped into a light slumber, not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. Both male's legs intertwined with each other. Both hearts beating almost in rhythm with each other. Breathing in the same speed.

6 am came too fast for Camus. And when Ludwig woke he was dazed and confused for a slight few minutes. His hands still gripping Camus tenderly. Sitting up, Camus in his arms, stirring from the light slumber he was in. The pillow fell that was between them.

"Good morning Lui" said Camus sleepily, clutching the front of his shirt, and trying to use him for a pillow a bit more. Ludwig let go of his hold on Camus, but he missed the softness of the boy's hair in between his fingers already. Kissing the top of Camus's head, Ludwig spoke, "Camus, we need to get ready for class" Camus shook his head no against Ludwig's chest, which caused Ludwig to sigh. Sitting up a bit, so that Camus could speak in Ludwig's ear. He whispered, "Do we really have to go in Cousin?" asked Camus sweetly, his breath hot against Ludwig's ear.

Ludwig wasn't sure why Camus was being like this, first he didn't want him near him, and then he doesn't want him to leave him. He sighed, not paying attention to how the hot breath of his cousin's sparked a tiny bit of excitement. No Ludwig did not have the need for necessary things.

Camus didn't want to be too much of a bother, didn't want to be so clingy, but he also didn't want to be left alone by himself. With a some what disappointed face he got up from his cousin's lap, and sat on his bed. He needed to change before class.

Staring into his own lap, Camus came to the realization that Ludwig was uncomfortable, also he could feel the slight radiation of it coming off of Ludwig. "I am sorry I have to be such a troublesome child for you Lui." Said Camus, placing his hands in his lap. "I just can't understand why I keep feeling that everything is going to backfire on so many people"

Ludwig listened, he didn't want to interrupt Camus, and he wanted to think. For he too had assumptions about what seems to be becoming of the near future. But he never spoke about them, and only his father knew very little about such thoughts. Ludwig would not tell anyone them anyways, at least not until the time was right for him to do so.

There was a knock at the door, "Camus?" asked the knocker. It was Ed. "Yes Ed" replied Camus, not even telling him he could come in. But why would he, Ludwig was on the floor. "Well, Naoji asked me to go look for Lui, seeing as he wasn't in his usual tea room this morning. And seeing as Lui is your cousin, I thought he might be here" Camus stared at the back of Ludwig's head. "I am in here Ed. I came to discuss with Camus about his behavioral display last night." replied Ludwig before Camus got anything out of his mouth. Camus looked down into his lap, knowing he would have to speak after Ed left. "I see, well I'll leave you two to talk then." he said, patting the door before heading off.

"We are going to talk about this aren't we Lui?" asked Camus in a whisper. "Yes we are. It may be good for you."_'I know my words will turn out to be lies. Why can't I let myself voice out?' _thought Camus, a bit panicky in his thoughts. Wringing his hands in his lap, he spoke, barely above a whisper, "I feel bad for acting the way I did last night. But you haven't the slightest idea on how I am feeling do you Lui?" retorted Camus to his own statement. "No, I am sure I may not know the whole idea surrounding this all, do continue Camus" said with a hint of the kindness. "I..I was just overcome with too much last night" Said Camus, speaking lowly, sounding slightly desperate. Ludwig did not answer him, he wanted him to continue. Ludwig would interject if he wanted to speak.

"Lui, what is wrong with me?" asked Camus. Ludwig did not respond, did not know how to respond to Camus. Camus continued, "I..I just feel so unimportant anymore to anyone, to myself. I can never strive to do anything, when my mind is incompatible for change, too effected by everything, everyone. And how can anyone do anything with such a weak, feminine body like mine?" Camus lightly hit his lap. Why was he confessing this?

"Calm yourself Camus" This was all too familiar to Ludwig. Back in Camus's earlier years before entering Rosenstolz. But Camus was older now, and Ludwig knew Camus wouldn't be as hysterical as he was when he had been younger. "Lui, please tell me what is wrong with me!" asked Camus frantically, hands shaking in his lap. Ludwig did not respond. Camus was on the verge of tears. The salty fluid, blurring his vision ever so slightly. "Please, Lui" pleaded Camus in a whisper, wanting to grab the back of his cousin's clothing.

Ludwig knew he must say something. Ludwig sighed, "Camus, I know you may not like this at all, but would you grant me some more time, to think about this all." Camus did not respond to Ludwig. No he wanted an answer, not 'I need more time' line.

Ludwig contemplated weither to send a letter off to his Uncle and his father about Camus's condition. This was of great importance, and it wasn't good to put it off. It was put off last time, and the results were not favorable.

Needing to see how Camus looked, Ludwig got up on his knees and turned his body around to face his cousin. He was still taller than Camus, even in this position. Ludwig placed both hands on Camus's thighs, and studied his cousin's facial expression. He wondered what it could be. It wasn't recognizable with the mix of different emotions. Ludwig eyes searched in Camus's, "Camus" but Camus didn't respond, his face not changing, nor really looking at Ludwig, only his lap.

Retracting a hand from his cousin's thighs he brought one up to grasp Camus's cheek ever so softly. "Camus, can you promise me that you won't think about this matter for now. Do you think you can do that for me, dear cousin, Camus?" inquired Ludwig even softer than his touch.

Never looking up, Camus gave a faint nod, barely moving his pretty little head. Ludwig spoke again, in a soft voice, his fingertips brushing even so slightly against the petal like skin, "Camus, everything will be righted soon" Camus thought doubt. No one could help him, or so he thought, no one could understand, could comprehend why he felt this way. _'Why can I not get a straight answer from him? Why won't he tell me what's wrong?' _thought Camus, screaming it in his mind. He didn't show his distress though.

Ludwig leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to Camus's forehead. It burned with warmth where his lips had been placed on Camus's head. Looking down Camus parted his lips to say something, but closed them. Words were in his head to ask, but they never came out in his voice. _'Why can't I say what I want?! What I want him to give me?! What I've wanted for a long time!'_ shouted Camus in his mind again.

Ludwig caught the short switch in Camus. Of course he had to raise concern. Not retracting his hand from the soft flesh that belonged to Camus, Ludwig spoke. "Is there anything you wish of me Camus?" Camus's eyes, slightly glistening from the start up of tears that welled up, being forced not to drop. "It's nothing Lui, nothing of importance. I promise Lui" Camus's voice gave him away though, giving away that he was unsure of his own words.

Class had started, it was assumed, but it also was later in the morning, and all the hustle and bustle was over with. Ludwig replaced his hand back onto Camus's thigh. "Camus" Camus didn't show any acknowledgement, but Ludwig knew he had. "Make sure you take care of yourself. Now, its time for us to report to class" Camus spoke up quickly in soft protest, "I..I don't want to go this morning Lui" Ludwig gave an inaudible sigh. "We must go Camus. I told you, you mustn't wallow in this matter. If you wish, we can go together Camus" said Ludwig, trying to reconcile Camus into coming. Camus only gave a very small nod to Ludwig's words.

Ludwig felt the need to do something before leaving Camus for a bit. Ludwig leaned forward yet again, but this time it was lower. Catching Camus by utter surprised, Ludwig pressed his firm, delicate lips to Camus's own pale, soft, tender lips. They were like his skin, soft as rose petals. His grip tightened ever so on Camus's thighs, as he deepened the kiss a small bit. Camus's slightly clenched hands relaxed at the deeping, breathing a hint faster.

Unfortunately it didn't last long. Ludwig pulled back from Camus. Either out of final realization of what he had done, or just because he thought it was right to do, to stop, pull away from his cousin. Gazing at his cousin, lips parted. Camus's cheeks were flushed in a pink rosy hue; while his eyes showed the shock that Ludwig had given him. Ludwig on the other hand showed impassiveness to the kiss he had given his cousin so dearly on the lips.

Ludwig retracted from the floor, bring his hands away from Camus's soft thighs. Turning, he spoke softly, "Camus, please change before we leave, I will be back. I promise" That was it from Ludwig's mouth, all he could say to his cousin. Then he was gone from the room, the door closing softly; Ludwig off to his own room to change.

Camus was hesitant to get up from his bed, but he did, he needed to be ready. He stripped himself of his clothing, item by item. He was slow at doing this because of the shock, the warmth that still lingered on his own lips. Did he want more? Yes, he wanted another; Camus though would never speak about wanting another though.

Ludwig had softly stormed off to his room. He arrived at his room, moments later from storming off. He really didn't have to go off like that, it's not like Camus had done anything, except maybe letting Ludwig take advantage of his lips. Once inside Ludwig shook his head softly. No, he shouldn't let his cousin effect him in this way. Dressing flawlessly, he left all recent events to be stored away. He didn't need to remember the kiss, even if he was the one who gave it. The kiss was blissful, intoxicating, and yet, Ludwig wanted to forget about it for the time being.

Camus had barely finished getting changed when the door had opened again, a fresh looking Ludwig coming in. Camus automatically averted Ludwig's stare. A blush still apparent on the cheeks of Camus's It upset Camus a bit that Ludwig did not show any reaction to what had happen.

Camus grabbed his pocket watch from the table, and slipped it in a pocket. He never left it anywhere. It was something precious from Ludwig, when they had been younger.

"Are you ready cousin?" asked Ludwig calmly. Camus nodded, looking down to make sure his garters were in place. Ludwig turned first, reaching for the door. Out he went, Camus following behind him. There was a silence between them, it felt awkward and stressed.

They walked in silence to the classroom for the Strahl Candidates. Walking only let Camus's mind wander. He tried not to let it, but it did. It wandered mostly to what events had barely had passed between Ludwig and himself. It all led back to the kiss, urging to touch his lips. Ludwig on the other hand void himself of everything for the moment, preparing his mind for school, politics, and an excuse for the Professor who was teaching when they would interrupt the class.

Well it was History that they were missing, so it would be Professor Gerald they would answer too, not that he would chastise them for being this late. In the classroom there were two empty seats. Two missing Strahl. Ed and Naoji exchanged glances when class had started and there was no sign of the two cousins. Ed had told both Orphe and Naoji the message Ludwig had told him. They at least thought they would be on time for class, they hardly were late as they usually were early.

In the middle of Gerald's lecture the classroom door was opened quietly. Camus had chosen to open it, so he was the first inside. Ludwig followed in just as soon, closing the door with the same amount of quietness. Gerald smiled at the two, but it wasn't returned, not even by Camus.

"Professor Gerald, please excuse Camus and I for being tardy like we are. We had been caught up in discussing some personal affairs. It could not have been avoided till later today. We apologize for interrupting your lesson Professor" Stated Ludwig, bowing his head slightly. Camus on the other hand bowed his torso. Gerald nodded his head, and motioned them to take their seats.

They sat down, Camus sitting in between where Ludwig took his seat and Elmunt. From there, class proceeded.

Hmm so this is part two…Part three is still in the process of being handwritten first. I hope you enjoyed this part…it's about 3825 words long..WOW yeah, since Part one had only 1924 words. Anyway review if you think you want to.

Oh and above, when I had written about his Garter's; that's what I perceive them to be…So unless someone knows otherwise, they are garters…Try explaining that to your mom to help describe what they are…YY

Anyways that's if from me…since I wrote my heart out on this fic and the Author's not before that...I write so much

Raian


End file.
